Living Together and With God

Living Together and With God

1 Peter 3:1-7

1. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2. when they observe your conduct accompanied by fear. 3. Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-4. rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6. as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with and terror. 7. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

When people read this passage they cringe and bristle up, saying that this way of thinking is archaic, and living in the past. The truth is they are trying to understand it living outside the will of God. We do not walk into marriage thinking it our goal to have a bad marriage, but to share the rest of our lives with someone that we can’t live without, and yet some claim that they can’t live with them. One of the big mistakes we make in striving for a perfect marriage is trying to change our spouse.

One bride-to-be was nervous about the wedding ceremony until the pastor gave her specific instructions. "When you enter the church, just focus on three things: the aisle, the altar and the groom." As she entered the church escorted by her dad, the people in the congregation overheard the bride saying over and over to herself, "Aisle, altar, him. Aisle, altar, him."
A great marriage does not come from changing our spouse it comes from changing ourselves. A successful marriage isn’t just finding the right person it’s also being the right person. It isn’t just focusing on how our spouse could do better it’s also focusing on what we could do better. I have heard spouses say that their mate has a few rough edges, but I can smooth them out. That is a horrible way to enter into a marriage.
God said it best when He looked at Adam fresh from His hand of creation. "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him." (Genesis 2:18 NLT) The Bible account of the first marriage continues... "So the Lord God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He took one of Adam’s ribs and closed up the place from which he had taken it. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam. “At last!” Adam exclaimed. She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called "woman", because she was taken out of a man.” God knew man, having created him, and knew exactly what who be the perfect mate for him, now having created woman, He also knew the perfect mate for her, now all that was left to do was get the two together. This is a beautiful sight as God brings Eve to Adam, no better yet presents Eve to him, for if we start our marriage in the will of God, we first ask God who do you have for me? As a man stands at the altar as His bride comes into view, he sees the most beautiful creature ever created, as she is escorted down the aisle by her father and given to her groom, he repeats Adam’s words. “At last!” This is the scene played out in Genesis as God brings creation together and they become one. This is also the scene that will be played out as we, washed in the blood of Christ, spotless before God, as God delivers us to Jesus as His bride. Jesus will say there is my bride, as He tells all who will listen how beautiful she is. This will be the moment He has waited for, when we shall come to Him dressed in robes, washed white by His sacrifice for us.

If the first couple was brought together by specific acts of creation, it would appear logical that to enjoy a meaningful marriage we must begin with the first wedding planner - God Himself.

I never cease to be amazed at the attitude that this society is the peak of social development, so therefore if the Bible doesn’t agree with the prevailing attitudes so the Bible is wrong...In 1995, there were 6,400 marriages per day in the US...and 3,200 divorces...from 1970 to 1994 the number of divorced people quadrupled...half of all children live through a divorce, and half of those live through a second divorce...and more than 1 in 4 children live in single-parent households. And lest you think that this is just young people, the generation in America with the highest divorce rate is between the ages of about 55 and 75 today. But we still hear that the Bible is outdated and things are much more enlightened today.

So how do we add God into this equation? By first teaching our children that God cares who they will marry. I would tell my girls from an early age that their mate was alive today and that they needed to pray for them, and I too began praying for them, in hopes that God would bring them together one day. God knows our needs, and still today prepares our mate for us. I often wondered if God brings us together then why do so many marriages end in divorce. I have come to know that, though a person seems so perfect for us, this is not the person God has for. Seeking the will of God is not usurping His will for ours.
What the text suggests is good news for those who want to have a meaningful marriage. Husbands and wives who understand and meet the needs of their spouse will most often have their own needs met. The key word here is understand. There are times I look at my wife and think to myself, that I do not understand this stranger living in my house, yet it is my job to understand this person, that is wired completely different form me. This is where conversation comes into play by talking to each other we come to have a better understanding of who we are as a couple. Are there times I still do not understand her? Certainly, these are the times that love, trust, and honor come into play, my love for her, my trust in God, and my honor for my marriage. What about getting our needs met? Here are the needs as the scripture relates them.

The primary goal for women in the marital union, according to our text scripture, is inner beauty. The primary goal for husbands is to be considerate and respectful of their wives. Amazingly, both of these patterns are often the opposite of the way marriage is portrayed in the world around us. The Word of God says to wives: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4 NIV)
Does this mean that women are to ignore their outward appearance? Thankfully, no! For men are sensual creatures and are moved by the eye more often than the heart. I appreciate when my wife takes time to look her best. The husband also values a wife who cultivates inner beauty. Problem is, all too often in our society, inner beauty is often left uncultivated while outer beauty is often overemphasized. Peter reminds his readers of the example of Sarah and Abraham to prove his point.
"For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." (1 Peter 1:5-6)

“Obeyed” and “master” are the two words in the text that causes many to dismiss the whole passage, yet we cannot dismiss the word of God, so we must try harder to understand it. Also we need to approach this text carefully, leaving any sinful selfish attitude behind. The Bible teaches us that the very first sin, the sin Satan committed that caused his fall from grace, was the sin of pride and pride results in selfishness, the “me, me, me” attitude so prevalent in today’s world. This attitude is prevalent in many marriages that claim to be on an even keel. But are marriages to be on an “even keel”? Many say that they do not have any problems, and that their marriage is 50/50, there is a problem with this attitude, and it is a selfish attitude. Marriage isn’t about balancing things out it’s about giving everything you have without reservation. So if we discuss the necessity of men loving their wives as Christ loved the church, or of wives submitting to their husbands, your first thought ought not to be, “Yeah but what do I get out of it?”

To make this all work we need to put our hope in God, and not give into fear. At one point in Abraham’s life, acting out of fear, he became a bad husband and gave his wife to another man to be a part of his harem by lying and claiming Sarah was his sister? (Genesis 20:2) Sarah "put her hope in God" and "did not give way to fear." She submitted to her husband in a way I would never counsel a wife to submit. She went along with her husband’s wishes. Was she right or wrong? God knows, I don’t." But God came to Abimelech (the man Abraham gave his wife to) in a dream one night and said to him, ’You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.’" (Genesis 20:3 NIV) God protected Sarah when her own husband wasn’t courageous enough to protect her. God protected Sarah because she "put her hope in God" and "didn’t give way to fear."

This glaring chink in the spiritual armor of one of the godliest men of faith who ever lived proves that there is no such thing as a perfect husband. What do wives do who live with imperfect husbands? "Trust in God" and "don’t give way to fear".
Extreme example? Yes definitely. But it proves a very, very crucial point. Wives don’t place your ultimate sense of security in your husband - place it where it belongs - in God. When your ultimate security is in God, you can be happy even if you’re married to a jerk. Pray for him yes. But keep in mind, part of what God will use to change him will be your very attitude in this instance.

1. “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,” (1 Peter 3:1) "Won without words". You can’t needle or cajole a man into doing what is right. Some of you disagree because you have successfully accomplished that at times. Well let me tell you as a man that it doesn’t pay off in the dividends you desire. You may win a temporary battle with a man by talking him into doing what you want. But you will win the war by your behavior, by your inner beauty - your attitude of love and assistance. God said that He would make a companion for Adam there is no doubt in any woman’s mind that a man needs a woman’s help. So what then does a wife need from a husband? “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”(1 Peter 3:7)

When it comes to relating to your wife nothing beats considering her way of thinking, her way of communicating, and her way of feeling. God is so wonderful in giving us opposite sexes and we are definitely opposites in so many ways. That’s why the husband especially needs a jolt here. A man is generally less considerate because of the way he is made. He isn’t wired to sense some of the things his wife senses. Some have called this "women’s intuition" and there is a lot to that. This is part of what Peter is getting at when he tells husbands to respect their wives as "the weaker partner".
Generally speaking Peter is simply stating the obvious. Across the board men usually are physically stronger than women. Husbands don’t run rough shod over your wife’s feelings. Just because you don’t feel what she feels doesn’t mean her feelings are real. Be considerate. Talk to her and touch her softly and tenderly. Be considerate. Respect her.
Show her how much you value her by watching one of her favorite movies instead of expecting her to watch sports with you. Treat her like you did when you were trying to get her to say "I do". Talk nice. Compliment her. Take her places. Open the door for her. Bring her flowers. We are "heirs together of the gracious gift of life." An heir is someone who has been left an estate. Jesus died and left us His estate. Let’s not fight over who gets what - let’s share it all together!